Monday, June 26, 2017
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Monday, June 19, 2017
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Monday, June 12, 2017
Saturday, June 10, 2017
Thursday, June 8, 2017
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Thursday, May 25, 2017
"Ben Carson said the other day that being poor is largely a state of mind."
"I'll be sure to tell my seven children that crap when their bellies are empty and we have no money for food because all the jobs around here have been outsourced to China because they have a workforce that is forced to work for pennies on the hour. And the fat cats and banksters who invest in the companies that outsource make shitloads of money while we starve. My kids are going to love being told that our poverty and their empty bellies are largely a state of mind."
"Hang on, isn't Ben Carson the one who got his college education and placement in medical school thanks to Affirmative Action? The very same program he now wants the government to eliminate? And the answer to my rhetorical question is yes, he is the same man."
"You know what? Fuck that guy. He's got his and now he wants to deny us the same things that he got. His family got help from the government. They got help with food, shelter, and education, and now he wants to deny the same kind of help to us? Fuck that guy with a rusty butcher's knife."
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Suicide bomber in the Middle East blows up people, no big thing, but when they do it in the west it's suddenly the worst thing ever.
But hey, I could be wrong, maybe this time your pathetic prayers to gods that aren't there will end terrorism.
Monday, May 22, 2017
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Friday, May 12, 2017
The real work begins now that he's home. It's not going to be easy but at least he's back in familiar surroundings.
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Now that he's been fired, here's a list of things former FBI director James Comey can do to occupy his time
- Prank call Donald Rumsfeld.
- Investigate the pizza delivery person who keeps pissing on his lawn.
- Find Jesus.
- Write a sexy bromance book about his love for crossdresser J. Edgar Hoover.
- Interpretively dance the Bhagavad Gita.
- Masturbate obsessively.
- Start a Youtube channel to show off his slapstick comedy skills.
- Follow the band Jars of Clay.
- Become an expert on the works of Gunter Grass.
- Bitch about how he was ousted because he's a white male, because men's rights tho.
Monday, May 8, 2017
Friday, May 5, 2017
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Ivanka said the campaign to get her dad elected was hard work and that she hardly had any time to meditate or get a massage.
Skippy Trump said he didn't have time to shoot all the exotic animals in Africa that he wanted to kill.
Donald Trump Jr said he wishes he could poop out pieces of pie.
Melania Trump said she just wanted to be left alone so she could focus on her plans to rid the world of Jews.
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
"Andrew Jackson could have prevented the Civil War but he chose not to because he had investments in northern factories."
"Teddy Roosevelt tried to stop the Korean war but Harry Truman bitched slapped him out of doing it."
"Martin Luther King Jr. wanted to invade the Falkland Islands but Ronald Reagan persuaded him not to by getting him hooked on the Mary Janes."
"The war of 1812 was really fought in 1799 but the fake news media won't tell the American people the truth."
"Spiderman is behind all international tooth decay, the rise of Freemasonry, and he killed Prince."
"I've come from the future to warn you not to elect Trump...what? I'm too late? Fuck, you're all fucked and I'm trapped here in the past. Oh well, screw it, I'm going to become a gigantic whore and get hammered all the time."